Ow: Official Othello Crack Fic
by Shatatomyo
Summary: A school assignment gone awry: I'm sure my teacher didn't see this coming :  My first Crack! fic. My story using characters from Othello.


Hey all! I figured that I at least owe you something, so I found this collab piece I did with my friend for English ( I did all the writing though…) Enjoy the crack fic…

Ow

Berkley Asylum 10:00 Monday

Brabantio, head doctor of Berkley Asylum rubbed his temples in annoyance; Othello, one of the few code red patients had just had another episode. Brabantio swore that if he heard another 'epic' fight against the 'were-bunnies', **he** would need a padded room. Strolling down the pristine white halls, he took a turn at random plant number 465 (the building being large enough to actually accommodate that many) and opened the door to Cassio's room. Stepping in, he swept his gaze around the padded cell; dolls and teddy bear parts littered the floor, a man in his late twenties sat huddled, clutching a new doll in his arms. Hearing the doctor's muffled steps, Cassio perked up, "Hello, Doctor. I made a new friend! Her name is Scylla, say hi, Scylla!" Scylla remained blissfully silent.

Othello scrambled over fallen machinery, slinging his blaster gun up and around. Silence pervaded the immediate area, but not for long: swarms of giant bunny-like creatures soon began to infest every crevice like nasty weeds. Othello's head peeked above for a second before ducking down as a massive carrot missile sailed overhead. It exploded in the background, but he did not need to look to know even more were-bunny troops sprang forth from the wreckage. Locking a cartridge into place, he sprang out of his hiding place, "TAKE THIS, RODENT SCUM!"

"Doctor Brabantio, please report to the office." Nurse Desdemona said smoothly into the intercom microphone, she'd had a problem attending to Othello and wanted her father's advice on the matter.

"Hey, darling!"

"Go away, Rod." Roderigo, the only male nurse on duty, pouted as Desdemona started picking up and organizing files from the stainless steel desktops. Somewhere, a click of polished shoes echoed in the hallway, leading to the office door. The port slid open with a hissing sound, revealing Dr. Brabantio.

"There you are! I need your advice. It's about Othello."

Brabantio sighed, "Let me guess, _'The were-bunnies are coming, the were-bunnies are coming! I'll save you, Queen Alice!'_ something like that?" Desdemona wrinkled her nose in disgust, "Yeah, that's about it."

"Perhaps** I** can help." The occupants of the office room all pivoted around to see Iago enter. Iago's beady eyes surveyed the room, his glistened thinly atop his nearly bald head, a sinister grin affixed to his thin lips, showing his crooked yellow teeth. Formerly mentioned occupants took a step back, resisting the urge to vomit/ slap their hands over their noses and mouths. Iago continued as if nothing happened,

"I would like to bring together all the doctors, nurses, and patients for a group… _**therapy**_ session." The doctor and two nurses gulped.

Early the next morning all the patients and medical personnel gathered for the therapy session, all but the crazy people were a little nervous. Othello sat on a folding chair, being a bit more lucid than usual, curiously looking at all the 'resistance'. One of the female, Bianca giggled shrilly and turned to Othello, "Tell me, O warrior, do you wish to defeat thine enemies?" Othello's head whipped around, interested, "Answer me, these questions three and you will see your great enemy!" she cackled again. Othello answered reverently, "Ask, and I shall answer, sooth-sayer."

Bianca cleared her throat as if preparing to sing, "What… is your name?"

"Othello."

"What…is your quest?"

"To defeat the evil were-bunny hoards!"

"What…is the cake?"

All nurses and doctors twitched in embarrassment.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!"

Just then, Iago entered with his female counter-part, "Friends and colleagues, may I introduce my wife, Emilia? She will be visiting today." No one said anything, they were in shock.

"Let us begin."

An hour later everyone became unnerved and nauseous from the stench of Iago and his 'lovely' wife. Some of the patients had passed out, not quite understanding why they were near such a horrifying smell, but too bored to be kept awake during the lecture. Even Othello had to struggle to keep awake, his big brown eyes drooping down, muttering about bunnies and spork-guns from time to time. Unfortunately for everyone, a long, unrelenting, grating screech sirened out from the blackboard behind the insufferable man. All the patients woke and moaned, those that could covered their ears, others just yelled their complaints.

"There, now that I have your_** undivided**_ attention, does anyone want to share anything with the rest of us?" Out of all the trembling occupants, Cassio raised his hand, holding Scylla in the other, close to his chest. Iago grumbled, "Yes?" Poor Cassio flinched, but held Scylla out, as if trying to hide behind her, "S-scylla s-s-says t-that her ears h-hurt." The therapist sneered mavolently, "And what does _**S-scylla**_ suggest we do?" Cassio was about to answer, but before he could, Iago snatched the doll out of his hands. Holding a hand out toward his wife, she handed him a pocket knife (though they were forbidden to bring any into the asylum) and he proceeded to cut off the dolls velvety ears. After accomplishing the deed, he returned the doll to Cassio who then proceeded to look horrified and then scream, "SCYLLA! WHERE ARE YOUR EARS?" for the next ten minutes. No one said a thing, who knew what would happen next.

Othello was contemplating the words of the soothsayer when he witnessed a little girl being held by the biggest, ugliest, most repulsive hairless were-bunny he had ever had the displeasure to smell. The little girl was complaining how her ears hurt when a magical laser cutter appeared in the evil creature's paw, quickly finding its way to the girl's ears, effectively shearing them off like sheep's wool. Othello wanted to turn away from the haunting cry of the poor little girl, but knew he couldn't lest he let her lose more than hearing. He vaguely heard a cry in the distance about a Scylla and how she had no ears, but that wasn't important; he had his own little girl with no ears to save.

About five minutes after the Scylla fiasco, Iago still held the pocket knife, twirling it absent-mindedly while talking in a sickening tone of voice. All the doctors were absolutely terrified because they had nut in a mental hospital with no access to a phone except in the office four buildings away. Just when Iago's monologue had gotten repetitive, Othello suddenly stood, ignoring the mad man's shouts to sit down. Stalking up to him, Othello gripped Iago's hand in a vice, causing him to drop the penknife in to the taller man's outstretched hand.

Iago backed away slowly, his wife cowering behind him, "N-now, Othello, why don't we talk about this? PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN!"

Othello replied with a smirk, "Silly rabbit, TRIX ARE FOR KIDS!" With a grunt of effort from Othello and one of pain from Iago, the mental patient rammed the sharp object through Iago's heart, effectively pulling an 'Ow' from the man before he died.

All was silent for a moment, and then it started out as a dull roar and ended erupting into a full-blown applause. Othello seemed confused, bloody knife still clutched in his hand.

When the clapping died down, Othello opened his jaw as if to speak, all the personnel leaning to hear him.

"YOU'RE ALL INFECTED! WERE-BUNNIES ARE COMING! THE WERE-BUNNIES ARE COMING! NO ONE WILL SURVIVE, NOT EVEN THE CHILDREN!"

Shato and Air sat, watching the movie with a wide look on Shatatomyo's part and Air was laughing too hard see her expression.

Shatatomyo turned to Air, "That is the last time I let you convince me to watch a movie you suggested! It made even less sense than the Epic Movie!"

Air continued cackling throughout the entire sleepover.

**The End…Or is it?**


End file.
